I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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