my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
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Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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