This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
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I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
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You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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