You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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