my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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