i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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