If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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