One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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