We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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