Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize