Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
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