How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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