Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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