p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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