It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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