I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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