I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
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So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize