Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize