If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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