dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize