ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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