Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
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I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
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I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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