and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize