I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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