we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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