the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
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I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
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you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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