I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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