You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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