I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
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So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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She made me pour olive oil on her.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
God, I missed his penis.
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