can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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