Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize