WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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