Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
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walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
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allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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