Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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