I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
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He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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