Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
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I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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