Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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