just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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