I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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