Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
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Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
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I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
soo... how was my night?
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