I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
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I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
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what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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