i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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