These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
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Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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