I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize