I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
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homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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