I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
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Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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