I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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