his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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