my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize