you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize