Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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